BY PHILIP ISSA

In print | August 26, 2008

By the first Thursday of my freshman year, I had already arrived at the same revelation that everyone else had about my new school: the good-looking went elsewhere. Yes, it was a bit hyperbole, and yes, my judgment was hasty, but between the Daily Jolt and the sophomores and juniors constantly braying that Swarthmore is, in fact, the ugliest school on the planet, I found my conclusion decidedly hard to shake. So, this year, in an effort to preempt the debate on just how ugly Swarthmore is for the 144th year running, I have decided to see what scholars have to say about the age-old question: are smart people ugly? It turns out that the answer is, “No.”

You may think that it is self-evident that intelligence and physical beauty are uncorrelated. After spending a few months (or nights) on this campus, you may find yourself thinking that it is self-evident that intelligence and physical beauty are actually negatively correlated. In a paper published in Psychological Bulletin in 1992, psychologist Alan Feingold found that there is no correlation between the two attributes, using GPA and standardized test scores as measures of intelligence.

Psychologist Leslie Zebrowitz (presumably equine) conducted a similar study ten years later using IQ as her measure of intelligence and found that there is no correlation between intelligence and facial symmetry or distinctiveness, two attributes that are positively correlated with attractiveness and that are largely prescribed by genetics. This suggests that, all other things held equally, we Swarthmore students are blessed with the same pretty faces as everybody else. Are we squandering all this average natural beauty for below-average attractiveness?

Discussions about whether we should conform to the modern age’s prevalent norms of beauty can, and no doubt will, go on forever; discussions about whether we Swarthmore students are attractive should not. Overall attractiveness is a definable and obtainable ideal; it transcends norms and stereotypes and encompasses universally valued traits, such as high self-esteem, proper deportment, an interesting and distinct personality, and keeping those blessed faces and bodies in shape and reasonably groomed.

Fortunately for us, nature has made it easy to pursue these four traits in conjunction. Exercise, for instance, not only keeps us fit, but it also helps to build self-esteem, so make those PE credits count. Another great example would be to stop complaining about how repulsive everybody is. This is a two-for-one deal – no one likes complainers and the rest of us enjoy marginally higher self-esteem.

I’m no expert on self-esteem or beauty. However, I can imagine a feedback loop at work here that will lift us all out of the gutter: We all stop publically complaining and privately judging, which will boost self-esteem. Already, our attractiveness is going up. The relaxed atmosphere will allow us to explore our own identities and feel more secure about ourselves. This way, we’ll feel more comfortable trying new things (like being extroverted and exercising) and appreciating the diversity of backgrounds and lifestyles represented at the school. As such, we’ll also feel more comfortable developing our own unique and interesting personalities. Attractiveness continues to rise, and the school is even more relaxed. This cycle continues until we won’t even have anything to complain about anymore.

My point is this: Everybody, calm down, and let’s hold our heads up high. We’re all (potentially) good-looking.

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