BY ADAM DALVA

In print | November 29, 2007

In the history of personal journalistic writing, no form has been more old-hat than the Thanksgiving time “This is what I’m thankful for” column. It is an indelible aspect of our culture, and like Tiny Tim ascending to the pinnacle of his tiny crutches and blessing each and every one of us, Jake and Sam making out over a fire hazard-y birthday cake or Blake finding Austin, it is a moment so over-saccharined that it can spark diabetes at a moment’s notice. Our first gathering together with the indigenous residents of this seaboard occurred in 1621, and I’m pretty sure that the Ye Olde Newse Lettere that came out the following year was full of odes to family, togetherness and the potency of European disease, provoking nearly 400 years of writings that have changed less than Prince’s remarkable face. With all that in mind, it also is the easiest, laziest thing in the universe to type out a bunch of things that everyone likes with the word count heightening phrase “I Am Thankful” in front of them, so…

Things I am Thankful for ’07

This latest period of hurtling through the void to the inevitable Mayan apocalypse (what’s it going to be? I have my money on either an asteroid or the continued rampage of Anton Chigurh) was a truly bountiful year at Swarthmore College, overflowing with things that sparkled with us all. Firstly, I am thankful for the hundreds of dollars a week worth of free food and booze at receptions, talks, meetings and gallery openings, particularly to those who conveniently place tables near doors for easy escape. You are the heroes who make getting off the meal plan possible.

I am also thankful for the campus gossip chain, which is so potent at this point that people are receiving horrified text messages and thumbs-upped Newsfeed notifications before two senior tongues even manage to find each other in communal mouth space (it actually works sort of like the Great Library in “Civilization II,” once two people know something, everyone else does too). I am also thankful for knowing who the hubs are; kudos one and all, for getting the most out of your liberal arts education and gaining mononucleosis immunity. Your performance has been more admirable than Jordan’s flu game. I am thankful to Tony Jaa, Jack Bauer, Johnny McGovern and Spiker, for being eternal sources of amusement and if I’m wrong, I’ll give you currency for a baked good. I also am thankful for inside jokes.

I am thankful for Ladies Nite, Pub Nite and all Nites, for giving us that odd hollow-stomached feeling that you can only get when you look around a medium-sized room full of sweaty semi-acquaintances perilously jumping around from ledges to tables, hollering Semisonic lyrics, frantically half hugging each other to shelter against god-knows-what, and realize that you are seeing the future cognoscenti of liberal America. I am thankful for Tom, the tri-co shuttle driver, for always being ready to chat about school, politics and the horrifyingly depressing Philadelphia sports scene.

I am thankful that I have nothing to do with the virulent Chender/SCF and Cohen/Spike series of op-eds, and hopefully never will. (Speaking of big mistakes by college publications, can’t we just let the Bone Doctor in The Phoenix and off the dashboard so my mother will no longer be one convenient link away from learning about the surprising possibilities available to us when our hand falls asleep? I also wish it wasn’t called the dashboard. What the hell does a dashboard have to do with anything?) I am, as always, thankful for the frats, which I have not mentioned once this semester but which remain a constant potential source of writing-block disintegrating material. I am thankful for Ghostface Killah, Sharples Honey-Mustard, Radiohead video-casts, Olde Club basement, “Peep Show,” Lil’ Wayne (particularly his new album cover…if he continues down that road, rap will be very different soon), Joe Posnanski and the much awaited announcement of Captain Falcon (Please!?).

I am thankful to the Kohlberg Coffee Bar ladies for spicing up many a study break with banter, a compassionate ear, caffeine and timely Winnie the Pooh references, and to afternoon classes, for ensuring that none of us will be able to function in our impending nine to fives. Believe it or not, I am even thankful for Paces, because despite all of its shortcomings, it has cycled all the way back around to its original state. It was interesting freshmen year because you could look around a room, not recognize anyone and meekly grind to your young heart’s content. Now, since self-respecting juniors and seniors tend to stay away until an evening has reached tipping point, it is once again a mysterious place full of energy songs, failed break-dance attempts and sticky floors.

Finally, I am thankful for my third semester of disseminating neurotic thoughts across our campus. With any luck, I hope to see you all next semester for the most terrified series of columns yet, but if I happen to be fired, I appreciate all the feedback and thank everyone for reading. It has been a genuine pleasure.

Adam is a senior. You can reach him at adalva1@swarthmore.edu.

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