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BY ALYSSA WORK

In print | March 31, 2005

Been sick since January? Makeup case being overtaken by medication? Have your hallmates forgotten what you look like and refer to your room only as the “typhoid pit?” Worry no more — good health is just a few small sacrifices away.

After a winter marked by a spate of flu outbreaks more frequent and more severe than usual, Worth Health Center and the Student Wellness Committee are working together, taking drastic steps to ensure that the “Garnet Death,” as the coughing, sweating, violent retching-inducing disease is known around campus, makes no further appearances on campus.

The measures recently implemented range from the relatively benign — echinacea powder being included in the condiment bar and mandatory five-minute hand-washing breaks during seminar — to more drastic steps like the fine antiseptic mist sprayed on students entering and exiting McCabe and the extremely unpopular three-foot radius regulation for dancing at Paces parties. Students engaging in any sort of physical contact will have to sign release forms exempting them from insured care for their illness.

“We’ve been plucking the head off the weed for too long now,” said Worth Director Linda Echols. “It’s time to nip this thing in the bud.”

Ty Foyd ’06, who missed seventeen classes in a row last semester “shivering under three blankets in Worth,” said he welcomes the changes.

“What’s a little bit of antiseptic in my face a couple of times a day compared with that horrible, horrible pain?” he asked. “And the dancing rule is OK with me too — anyway, you can’t get a drink spilled on you from three feet away.”

Students hosting gatherings of more than four people in one room will also be required to provide sanitary face masks to all guests. When Janice Oglethorpe ’06 was asked how she felt about such a requirement, she emphatically responded, “Mmph.”

Many students are skeptical of the effectiveness of enforcing the measures. One such student is Kelly Green ’08, who questioned whether professors are really going to pause class during discussion when the pre-programmed “hand-wash horn” blares from the fire station.

Echols responded that the Student Wellness Committee will serve as a “foolproof” on-campus police force for the system.

“They will be there, and they will be watching,” Echols assured. “Students need not fear those few saboteurs who seek to spread their germs around the student body.”

Bearing shiny new steel nightsticks and clad in sunglasses and black jumpsuits bearing the slogan “Because We Care,” the SWC cuts an imposing presence on campus.

“It’s a form of public safety,” said George Matthews ’05, head of the SWC. “This is no joking matter, and any student found in violation of the new health codes will face the ultimate consequences.” Matthews declined to say what those consequences would be, warning only that “it will make orgo seem like a fluffy bunny.”

It’s too early to tell what effect the new health code will have on student health. Echols predicts a near 100 percent reduction in occurrence of the disease; however, she said, that is assuming total compliance with requirements. So for now, students should get used to a little echinacea in their salad greens, a strange facial tan line and a very reduced sex life.

But as Matthews asserted, “It’s a little bit to give up for a lifetime of health.”

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